(Written by a NOVA Pregnancy Center Client.)
I woke up pulling the tube out of my nose. Upon awakening I saw his face – the father’s face. The nurse came in and told me that I was farther along than we thought and another procedure had to be done. It was over. I got out of bed, put on my clothes and took the bus home. It was a cold, bleak day in January 1978.
My life went on as if nothing happened. I went back to my job, continued living with my boyfriend and doing the party scene. This was life for me – sex, drugs and rock ‘n roll.
My college friends started moving away and getting on with their adult lives. They got real jobs in other places and moved. My hometown had a lot of good memories for me but one bad one. So I moved on.
I got a real job in Virginia and moved here. I broke up with my boyfriend and got on with my life. I met a guy, got married and had 2 children. My prior life was becoming a distant memory – the good and the bad.
One day, two ladies from a Baptist church knocked on my door. They invited us to their Christmas service. We did attend and started going regularly, participated in Bible study and were growing in our faith. We all accepted Jesus as our personal savior and were baptized. But as life sometimes goes, my husband and I divorced. I met my current husband and attended church regularly. But one gnawing sin kept surfacing – my abortion way back in 1978.
How many times have I been on the floor, crying my eyes out over the realization of what I had done? I can’t count that high. It seemed every week the realization would hit me and I would be back on the floor, filled with shame and loss. I had asked God’s forgiveness each and every time but I didn’t feel forgiven. The baby was still dead.
One day my husband and I decided to go to Reston Bible Church and as is my habit, as soon as I get in the church I visit the ladies’ room. I saw a flyer for a Bible study for women who have had an abortion. I don’t usually attend these things but this one hit me where it hurts. I signed up.
The Surrendering the Secret Bible study at NOVA Pregnancy Help Center changed my life. I had to look at what I did and confront it. I had to understand that the culture lied to me, told me that the baby wasn’t human but a “choice.” I was allowed to be angry at the doctors, nurses and all those who helped me get the abortion. I was challenged to accept Christ’s forgiveness. That’s why He died!! He died for me!!
And finally, the Great Exchange…. As soon as my child was conceived, he had a soul and when he died he went into the presence of God. He now has a name and a purpose. God took away my abortion and gave me a child. My unborn son is in Heaven right now doing God’s work. And I can’t wait to meet him one day.
[Note from SLM: If you are hurting or struggling after a past abortion decision, we offer this confidential Bible study two times a year. Many women who have hid their “secret” for years have found healing. Please contact us for more information.]